some shameless asks I've made

embarrassment and boldness galore!

I am a woman of extremes. I oscillate between being very, very bold and very, very timid. Sometimes I’m completely terrified: I feel too scared to make or ask for intros or to talk to customer service or tell cashiers when they’ve rung up the wrong total. Between confronting a person or running the fuck away, I will run the fuck away a lot of the time, guaranteed.

But other times I’m shameless and fun. During times when the terror subsides, I ask people if we can hang out or ask them to give feedback on my writing or to help me prep for interviews or to move to Austin without much self-consciousness. I like this version of myself a lot: this version of Valerie puts herself out there regularly, doesn’t see a no as the end of the world, and sometimes gets lots of unexpected help from different places.

Here are some asks I’ve made and some rejections I’ve received:

1. Asking people to go on dates

My sophomore year of college, there was a guy named Andrew (the name has been changed) in my data structures and algorithms class who was really hardworking and much better at coding than I was. He also was pretty into running, which I also was very into at the time.

I wanted to ask him out, but I was terrified. I had never asked someone out before, and I am an awkward person when I’m scared. I spent two weeks going back and forth over whether or not to ask him on a date. At some point, I resolved to ask him out during a run.

So we ran for about three or four miles, and as we got back to my dorm, I said to Andrew, “Hey, I really like you. Would you be down to get dinner with me at some point?”

Then he said, “Sure!”

As we got closer to my dorm, I started to have a sneaking suspicion that Andrew didn’t know that I meant I liked him non-platonically. For context, Andrew was an international student and even more naive than I was, so I couldn’t be too sure. So I made him circle around the dorm with me another three times and tried to clarify to him that I liked him romantically. This took much stammering and about ten minutes.

When Andrew finally understood, he responded, “Valerie, I like you, but I don’t know what that means, so let’s just be friends.”

#REJECTED.

In all seriousness, this stung for a few days, but then I picked myself back up again and managed to be friends with Andrew. We ran together a lot, until the pandemic happened and we were all booted off campus.

2. Asking for birthday gifts

Here’s what I posted on Facebook just now:

I did hesitate for a hot sec posting this, but I realized that I actually really like celebrating my birthday, and I don’t mind being this…. myself around my Facebook friends. Like yes, it would come across as bad taste if I were promoting this too much on Twitter, but if you’re my FB friend, you probably know that I’m this uncensored and gift-loving IRL too.

(In the spirit of shameless asking, here is an Amazon wish list of stuff I would not mind getting for my bday. DO NOT in any way feel obligated. I’m just practicing expanding my comfort zone lmao.)

3. Inviting Martin Shkreli to my Harvard Graduation

Recently pharma-bro Martin Shkreli was released from prison. I thought it would be really funny if I invited him to the Harvard commencement. I was pretty terrified of asking — after all, who is Valerie anyways??? — but I figured he wouldn’t come anyways, so I might as well just practice putting myself out there.

I didn’t get a response in the next few days, but at some point, Martin followed me on Twitter, so I also DMed him asking if he could come. Within ten seconds, he said he couldn’t come.

I was elated and honored to receive that no. I feel inclined to keep asking interesting strangers to events, get some yeses, and keep getting nos.