"I want to escape the terrifying vastness that seems to come up when I start asking what life I would like to carve for myself. Is this job really aligned for you? Is your partner the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Are you sure there’s not a part of you that knows you are selling yourself short?"
Such a good post - I have the same fantasy (down to the Austin part but not the housewife part) that often goes uninterrogated.
For myself, I think I am banking on some level of emotional maturity/peace that will come in the next decade. I do feel fairly confident I will make progress in this area, as I already have.
Admittedly I definitely focus on the ideal aspects of that life (baking pies, playing with kids in the yard) and not the hecticness
Thanks for this comment! I also think that I’m making progress in emotional maturity and peace. I also just find it interesting that ways that I idealize being 40 haha
It’s hard to imagine how you will bridge the gap between where you are now and what you think you’ll want in 15 or 20 years. Time dwindles, as do opportunities, and all our choices come with a sense of loss at the roads we didn’t take.
One book that helped me with some of my uncertainty was a fiction novel: “the first fifteen lives of harry august” by Claire north. It’s a fun read about what it might be like to be able to re-live your life.
From American Beauty
Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't wanna lie to her.
"I want to escape the terrifying vastness that seems to come up when I start asking what life I would like to carve for myself. Is this job really aligned for you? Is your partner the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Are you sure there’s not a part of you that knows you are selling yourself short?"
This is how I feel. I'm 40
😬😬😬😬😬AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
feel this so much Valerie <3 I always feel like I'm 40 already having barely started my life 🥹
Such a good post - I have the same fantasy (down to the Austin part but not the housewife part) that often goes uninterrogated.
For myself, I think I am banking on some level of emotional maturity/peace that will come in the next decade. I do feel fairly confident I will make progress in this area, as I already have.
Admittedly I definitely focus on the ideal aspects of that life (baking pies, playing with kids in the yard) and not the hecticness
Thanks for this comment! I also think that I’m making progress in emotional maturity and peace. I also just find it interesting that ways that I idealize being 40 haha
It’s hard to imagine how you will bridge the gap between where you are now and what you think you’ll want in 15 or 20 years. Time dwindles, as do opportunities, and all our choices come with a sense of loss at the roads we didn’t take.
One book that helped me with some of my uncertainty was a fiction novel: “the first fifteen lives of harry august” by Claire north. It’s a fun read about what it might be like to be able to re-live your life.