I heard someone on a podcast say once “the real addiction is control!” and it always stuck with me. This was a fun read, though I am sorry to hear the weather was terrible and that it made driving very anxiety producing!
Idk the context behind this, but sounds like a great idea!
Workplaces (like my own) suggest having a User Guide for how to interact with someone -- some people have a multi-page document with strengths, weaknesses, personal expectations, preferred communication methods, and so forth.
Similarly, colleges use roommate contracts to establish ground rules + resolve conflict, and books like How to Not Die Alone suggest a relationship contract when a relationship starts.
Living documents which are collaborative and history-preserving like Google Docs are great for tracking things -- they're used for journals, travel plans, big projects, and cultural norms -- so perf for relationships (which are some of the biggest, most important projects).
> And if you make relationship mistakes, then the people in your life are going to leave you. Tommy, Greg, and Juliette? They’re gonna hang out with each other instead if you are unskillful and cross their boundaries.
This is a real feel for me. Two of my formerly closest friends in SF blocked me in relation to incidents of violating boundaries (one for attempting to salvage an adult friendship). 😬
> decide to cut you off forever.
When reading this post, I was tempted to take things literally and play "point out the cognitive distortions" lol. I'm almost curious about a series of posts which personify each cognitive distortion.
> If you don’t figure out every single detail, then the world will literally explode.
Love this -- catastrophizing at its most explicit.
Takeaways from there: if no-stakes, flip a coin; if low-stakes, consult a friend; if high-stakes, form a council.
=======
Now a postmortem of the decision cluster from my end:
Yikes, didn't realize it took up three hours of your brain space! So sorry -- it felt much less time on my end. In hindsight, we could have had a phone call to hash it out.
The main decision was logistically: do I pick you up at your place or this midpoint hub? -- and the variables that affected this decision. It felt more like a logic puzzle (straightforward constraint satisfaction). I think adding constraints + modularizing would be a helpful approach. To add more color on the decision clusters:
1. That day was my first ever day driving alone, and I was nervous. My first leg would be alone no matter what. The decision is then "who will drive Val home?" The options were me, you, or Uber. We proposed me at first and decided on me at the end.
2. Whoa, I had no idea you were literally considering us driving your car -- that is next-level overthinking lol.
3. This was my fault giving unhelpful constraints lol. We ended up eating leftovers and In-N-Out (this combination is honestly my favorite, because it feels such like a life hack).
In hindsight, for me some under-considered factors:
- Unknown factors -- initial meal plan was delayed due to uncontrollable work stuff.
- Timing constraint -- I was unaware or forgot that you wanted to get home by a certain time. I wanted to stay later and considered proposing you Uber'ing back, but felt guilty about changing the decision.
So maybe an optimal order would have been
- Figure out time constraints
- Then figure out who's driving where
- Then figure out how food works (food is flexible in this case)
I heard someone on a podcast say once “the real addiction is control!” and it always stuck with me. This was a fun read, though I am sorry to hear the weather was terrible and that it made driving very anxiety producing!
*still overthinking about her tweet of making a DOCUMENT to her BF on how to treat her*
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to be clear, i think the document was an example where being extremely detail oriented was a good idea
Idk the context behind this, but sounds like a great idea!
Workplaces (like my own) suggest having a User Guide for how to interact with someone -- some people have a multi-page document with strengths, weaknesses, personal expectations, preferred communication methods, and so forth.
Similarly, colleges use roommate contracts to establish ground rules + resolve conflict, and books like How to Not Die Alone suggest a relationship contract when a relationship starts.
Living documents which are collaborative and history-preserving like Google Docs are great for tracking things -- they're used for journals, travel plans, big projects, and cultural norms -- so perf for relationships (which are some of the biggest, most important projects).
> And if you make relationship mistakes, then the people in your life are going to leave you. Tommy, Greg, and Juliette? They’re gonna hang out with each other instead if you are unskillful and cross their boundaries.
This is a real feel for me. Two of my formerly closest friends in SF blocked me in relation to incidents of violating boundaries (one for attempting to salvage an adult friendship). 😬
> decide to cut you off forever.
When reading this post, I was tempted to take things literally and play "point out the cognitive distortions" lol. I'm almost curious about a series of posts which personify each cognitive distortion.
> If you don’t figure out every single detail, then the world will literally explode.
Love this -- catastrophizing at its most explicit.
Just watched https://www.ted.com/talks/patrick_mcginnis_how_to_make_faster_decisions and it reminded me I haven't read this post yet lol.
Takeaways from there: if no-stakes, flip a coin; if low-stakes, consult a friend; if high-stakes, form a council.
=======
Now a postmortem of the decision cluster from my end:
Yikes, didn't realize it took up three hours of your brain space! So sorry -- it felt much less time on my end. In hindsight, we could have had a phone call to hash it out.
The main decision was logistically: do I pick you up at your place or this midpoint hub? -- and the variables that affected this decision. It felt more like a logic puzzle (straightforward constraint satisfaction). I think adding constraints + modularizing would be a helpful approach. To add more color on the decision clusters:
1. That day was my first ever day driving alone, and I was nervous. My first leg would be alone no matter what. The decision is then "who will drive Val home?" The options were me, you, or Uber. We proposed me at first and decided on me at the end.
2. Whoa, I had no idea you were literally considering us driving your car -- that is next-level overthinking lol.
3. This was my fault giving unhelpful constraints lol. We ended up eating leftovers and In-N-Out (this combination is honestly my favorite, because it feels such like a life hack).
What I'm really curious about is in retrospect:
- What do you perceive as being the actual stakes / decision points?
- What approach / framework / heuristic / intuition would you have used instead?
In hindsight, for me some under-considered factors:
- Unknown factors -- initial meal plan was delayed due to uncontrollable work stuff.
- Timing constraint -- I was unaware or forgot that you wanted to get home by a certain time. I wanted to stay later and considered proposing you Uber'ing back, but felt guilty about changing the decision.
So maybe an optimal order would have been
- Figure out time constraints
- Then figure out who's driving where
- Then figure out how food works (food is flexible in this case)