thank you so much for this vulnerable post! love the introspection here about how perhaps your feelings of jealousy aren't so much about Nathan and Jane - or aren't entirely about Nathan and Jane - and more to do with messages you received yourself about your self-worth from your father. I hope you can process/treat your past and present self with compassion when reflecting on your father's anger (which sounds awful) and be curious about if the grasp toward externals was a consequence of that anger. also, I'm curious about when you say that "my parents are Asian immigrants, so they obviously freaked the fuck out." my mother sounds perhaps similar to your parents though my father, who was also an Asian immigrant, was very chill about academics and my life choices in general - so I think it's interesting when people (not saying you exclusively or specifically in this case) make assumptions about how Asian immigrants/Asian immigrant parents behave. such a great post! thanks for sharing
Thanks for the comment Thomas! My intent with that sentence was to give some more context for why they might have freaked out. In my experience, many children of Asian immigrants feel some amounts of pressure from their parents, but the sentence was pretty imprecise. I also think it IS showing some assumptions that I have about Asian immigrant parents generally not being chill. Thanks for pointing that out :) As always, appreciate you reading :)
This was amazing! I've been following your writing for a few weeks and I really enjoy the way you write and tell your story . This has inspired me to be more vulnerable in my own writing 😊😊
thank you for sharing this Val, there was so much in this piece that resonated and got me thinking. I really like the idea of opening up to the jealousy rather than reflexively flinching away from it out of shame. I was reading somewhere about how jealousy is the clearest window into our desires, so perhaps there's something worth cherishing and understanding in it. will be mulling over this as I work through my own jealousies, thanks for writing this with so much vulnerability! <3
Thank you so much for sharing this, Valerie. It's really inspired me to question similar inflammatory reactions I have sometimes at others' "wins," instead of letting them take over without realizing it, and to try to ruminate upon the underlying emotions in a more disimpassioned way.
This must have been a hard piece to put out- thank you for choosing to do so. I think my roots of jealousy are different, but I've come to a very similar place of learning that sitting with the pain is the only way to create space for movement and growth. I've been a lot more honest about my jealousy the past year and it has been a game-changer for me too.
Awwww I’m sorry to hear about what you went though with your parents Valerie. And I also wanted to share a reframe of jealousy that my friend shared with me that I love. When you’re feeling jealous of someone, you can think “thank you for showing me that I want that for myself.”
Jealousy can be a difficult emotion to process. I rarely feel it, but when I do, I get frustrated because the only thing that I can do to resolve it is to let it go.
I remind myself I'm walking my own path at my own pace. That the object of my jealousy most likely has insecurities and struggles with other metrics I can't see. Most people do. That's usually enough for me to push it out of my mind.
This essay was a great step in the right direction for you to find catharsis with it. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and your evolution through your writing.
this described a thing i didn’t know i had inside me like wow…the quintessential asian immigrant hustler experience(albeit somewhat extreme). a good and cathartic read!
There must be some evolutionary value for passing on trauma, because parents and elders keep on doing it. I have to believe there are better ways, though, than berating your child from miles away. Thank you for sharing what it was like for you.
Interesting read. Comparison is the thief of joy. You're the only one that has to live with your choices your entire life. It's better to disappoint your parents than regret disappointing yourself in my opinion. Keep pushing, follow your heart & have a great 2023!
thank you so much for this vulnerable post! love the introspection here about how perhaps your feelings of jealousy aren't so much about Nathan and Jane - or aren't entirely about Nathan and Jane - and more to do with messages you received yourself about your self-worth from your father. I hope you can process/treat your past and present self with compassion when reflecting on your father's anger (which sounds awful) and be curious about if the grasp toward externals was a consequence of that anger. also, I'm curious about when you say that "my parents are Asian immigrants, so they obviously freaked the fuck out." my mother sounds perhaps similar to your parents though my father, who was also an Asian immigrant, was very chill about academics and my life choices in general - so I think it's interesting when people (not saying you exclusively or specifically in this case) make assumptions about how Asian immigrants/Asian immigrant parents behave. such a great post! thanks for sharing
Thanks for the comment Thomas! My intent with that sentence was to give some more context for why they might have freaked out. In my experience, many children of Asian immigrants feel some amounts of pressure from their parents, but the sentence was pretty imprecise. I also think it IS showing some assumptions that I have about Asian immigrant parents generally not being chill. Thanks for pointing that out :) As always, appreciate you reading :)
This was amazing! I've been following your writing for a few weeks and I really enjoy the way you write and tell your story . This has inspired me to be more vulnerable in my own writing 😊😊
Thank you Lovleen! This made me so happy to see your comment :)
thank you for sharing this Val, there was so much in this piece that resonated and got me thinking. I really like the idea of opening up to the jealousy rather than reflexively flinching away from it out of shame. I was reading somewhere about how jealousy is the clearest window into our desires, so perhaps there's something worth cherishing and understanding in it. will be mulling over this as I work through my own jealousies, thanks for writing this with so much vulnerability! <3
Thank you Kasra, makes me so glad that this resonated. I wish you all the catharsis and healing, and the happiest of 2023s!
Thank you so much for sharing this, Valerie. It's really inspired me to question similar inflammatory reactions I have sometimes at others' "wins," instead of letting them take over without realizing it, and to try to ruminate upon the underlying emotions in a more disimpassioned way.
This must have been a hard piece to put out- thank you for choosing to do so. I think my roots of jealousy are different, but I've come to a very similar place of learning that sitting with the pain is the only way to create space for movement and growth. I've been a lot more honest about my jealousy the past year and it has been a game-changer for me too.
Awwww I’m sorry to hear about what you went though with your parents Valerie. And I also wanted to share a reframe of jealousy that my friend shared with me that I love. When you’re feeling jealous of someone, you can think “thank you for showing me that I want that for myself.”
Your reflection resonates so much with me. Thanks for having courage to put yourself out here and be vulnerable :)
Hey Emma, really appreciate your comment. Makes posting essays like this a LOT less scary :)
Jealousy can be a difficult emotion to process. I rarely feel it, but when I do, I get frustrated because the only thing that I can do to resolve it is to let it go.
I remind myself I'm walking my own path at my own pace. That the object of my jealousy most likely has insecurities and struggles with other metrics I can't see. Most people do. That's usually enough for me to push it out of my mind.
This essay was a great step in the right direction for you to find catharsis with it. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and your evolution through your writing.
Thank you, Keith! I appreciate your thoughtful comment :)
this described a thing i didn’t know i had inside me like wow…the quintessential asian immigrant hustler experience(albeit somewhat extreme). a good and cathartic read!
I LOVE your phrasing haha. Wishing you all the best in processing the asian immigrant hustler experience <3
Loved reading this so much! So pure, vulnerable and so beautiful <3 Jealous of how good you are writing all of this hehe. Looking forward to more!
hahaha thanks Sudhanshu, I hope I do not disappoint!
There must be some evolutionary value for passing on trauma, because parents and elders keep on doing it. I have to believe there are better ways, though, than berating your child from miles away. Thank you for sharing what it was like for you.
"One of my core theses for 2023 is that writing and acting from as deep and as vulnerable place as possible is what matters in the long run." +10!
Interesting read. Comparison is the thief of joy. You're the only one that has to live with your choices your entire life. It's better to disappoint your parents than regret disappointing yourself in my opinion. Keep pushing, follow your heart & have a great 2023!